Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The mess I made
Parachute is a great band. There is a song called "The mess I made" and I've decided that it describes my life quite perfectly. My life isn't even close to what I thought it would be like. Do you ever look at the life that you have lived so far and you realize that every heartache that you've ever had is your fault? I'm just sitting here on my bed wondering if I can sleep. I'm reflecting back on my not too extensive love life (or the lack thereof). I've come to realize that I have had some good guys interested in me and I probably could have been married by now if I wasn't so guarded. Seriously, everytime that a good guy shows any sort of interest me, I promptly do a 180 and then sprint away. Not because he isn't cute or funny or amazing, but because I'm scared. I'm scared of getting my heart broken whether it is now, a year from now, or ten years from now. I've seen the damage that a broken heart can do to a person and I seriously don't think that I'm strong enough for it. So instead of trying to face my fears like a big girl I go run and hide and put up more walls. I put walls up so that I don't get hurt, but the walls are the only things in my life that have hurt me. They keep me isolated and completely alone. Irony is a bad word. I think its time to change that. I'm tired of being alone.
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2 comments:
Taylor, you are never alone. You have many friends who love you and care about you. And you have an amazing family. It will happen, don't you worry:)
Taylor, I think you're amazing. Good things happen just when you think things will only get worse. When I was at my lowest, I moved in with 5 amazing girls (including YOU) who picked me up and made me realize how lucky I actually was. You're one of the strongest, most beautiful AND most fun girls I've ever met. I mean it. Love will find you. And when it does, you'll be so weak at the knees that you won't have the strength to keep your walls up :) Next time you're feeling down, come over and we'll jut veg. Serious. Keep you're head up! You're doing everything you should be! Love you!
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